We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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