Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
