I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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