In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
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