I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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