If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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