Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
