I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
