if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
