I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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