Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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