Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
