He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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