Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Everyone says I win the strip club
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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