eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
