you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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