So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
