I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
