he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
