Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
