Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
