My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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