I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
