I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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