I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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