Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
