why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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