DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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