this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
