so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
