drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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