currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
