You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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