We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
