The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
