i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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