Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
