dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
soo... how was my night?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
