she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Success! We fucked roommates!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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