there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
