Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
