Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
