goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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