Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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