I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
