3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Randomize
