i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
