mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
