Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
