he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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