Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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