so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
being pregnant is like rehab
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
