I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i drank out of a bidet.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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