Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
