just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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